Among Seasons

 

„Among Seosons“

I must get away from here,

right now.

It’s impossible.

Everything gets replicate in my head.

I am swinging between past and present.

Scary future.

Telling myself „ I’ll be fine if I can paint.“

The first drafts are disordered.

However they gradually climb up my mind,

as growing plants and cover all corners of my brain.

I must accept,

as simple as it is.

Beyond the walls,

they look close watching me from the bottom.

That’s a new feeling.

Unreasonable worries and scattered dreams.

These leavings, arrivings, belongings.

I had something that is lost.

Language disjunction.

I hang myself on my images to float in nihility.

The only rival who I should beat is myself,

the person I used to be.

No one is guilty, these are rules of the game.

Do I have any other option?

Time should pass.

Think of river, clouds.

I Should keep my head above the water.

I should listen to my inner music,

giving up is my last choice.

I should organize my thoughts.

Where are my dreams?

I Should accept it like my face.

 

—–

 

Among seasons.

From hometown and big fears.

I sit next to the open window of my room.

A window with lights brightening inside and outside,

 

I feel I can trust this stranger,

I can be his friend and love him.

A home with bright days and magic nights.

I would like to think of today.

The familiar images surrounded me.

The voice of life.

 

I realized that you can die and be born again.

The air is wet due to rain,

I am conscious.

Experience of darkness has thought me to enjoy light.

I have too much to do.

I should sleep and start dreaming.

Plenty of images, describing me,

standing in front of my eyes,

from now on.

 

I’ll build a colorful future based on my memories.

I would stare at a corner of home,

vases sitting on the the carpet,

lonely chair.

My hands which are calm and patient,

and the only window which belongs to me.

I ask for a slice of the sky

and call it by my name.

This portion of place resides inside me.

Then I feel my face disappearing  at the end of room,

covered with shadow.