I must get away from here,
Everything gets replicate in my head.
I am swinging between past and present.
Telling myself „ I’ll be fine if I can paint.“
The first drafts are disordered.
However they gradually climb up my mind,
as growing plants and cover all corners of my brain.
I must accept,
as simple as it is.
Beyond the walls,
they look close watching me from the bottom.
That’s a new feeling.
Unreasonable worries and scattered dreams.
These leavings, arrivings, belongings.
I had something that is lost.
I hang myself on my images to float in nihility.
The only rival who I should beat is myself,
the person I used to be.
No one is guilty, these are rules of the game.
Do I have any other option?
Time should pass.
Think of river, clouds.
I Should keep my head above the water.
I should listen to my inner music,
giving up is my last choice.
I should organize my thoughts.
Where are my dreams?
I Should accept it like my face.
From hometown and big fears.
I sit next to the open window of my room.
A window with lights brightening inside and outside,
I feel I can trust this stranger,
I can be his friend and love him.
A home with bright days and magic nights.
I would like to think of today.
The familiar images surrounded me.
The voice of life.
I realized that you can die and be born again.
The air is wet due to rain,
I am conscious.
Experience of darkness has thought me to enjoy light.
I have too much to do.
I should sleep and start dreaming.
Plenty of images, describing me,
standing in front of my eyes,
from now on.
I’ll build a colorful future based on my memories.
I would stare at a corner of home,
vases sitting on the the carpet,
My hands which are calm and patient,
and the only window which belongs to me.
I ask for a slice of the sky
and call it by my name.
This portion of place resides inside me.
Then I feel my face disappearing at the end of room,
covered with shadow.